Processing the Pain

One of the things that we're finding in our society right now, that I don't think is being given enough attention, is the fact that many people are hurting. A lot of the violence, a lot of the "senseless" murders, a lot of the family dysfunction, is all growing out of the pain that people are feeling that has not been duly addressed or resolved. Some of the "back and forth" that we're seeing in our political campaigns, grows out of a lot of hurt feelings, rejection and disappointment, that people are using the political stage in order to "vent". And in a lot of our churches, the church splits (congregations dividing and separating), the congregational dissension and in-fighting, a lot of it grows out of Christians who too are wrestling with unresolved pain. If we as the people of God are going to establish the Kingdom Witness that the Father is calling us to, it is important and imperative that we learn the art and the skill of Processing the Pain.


The means by which many people, including Christians, tend to deal with their pain is by ignoring and suppressing it. Emotionally and psychologically, this is ineffective. You can't deny when something hurts. The proper response to an encounter with pain is to say "ouch". There has to be a reaction, an emotional reaction to the pain one has been challenged to go through and internalize. If you are of age, you have been through something, and more than likely "some things", that have hurt your feelings, that have depressed your soul, that have disappointed and discouraged you. People have let you down. People have betrayed you. People have turned on you. People have disappointed you. In response to these hurtful situations you need to at least admit the hurt and the pain that you've been challenged to face. Many people choose not to do this, to their own psychological and emotional dismay. You can't deny the truth of your feelings. And what people don't understand is that, even when you choose to "act" like nothing's wrong, that pain doesn't go away; it just festers. This is why a lot of people are "losing their minds"; not just because of "stress", but because of unresolved pain that has eaten away at the fabric of the mental faculties of their mind. Unresolved pain is like the cancer of the soul.


We must confess our pain. We must acknowledge that we are hurting. Yes, what my parents did or did not do has hurt me. Yes, what my spouse did or did not do has hurt me. Yes, the response of my children, has hurt me. Yes, the way they did me on my job, the way they treated me at my church; it hurt me. Once you've acknowledged the pain, then you have the responsibility to forgive. Forgiveness is not an emotional process, it is a spiritual decision. People think that it takes "time" to forgive someone. This is incorrect. It may take time to "heal from the pain"; but forgiveness is a decision that can be executed immediately. Do not confuse the need to heal with the need to forgive. The word forgiveness means "the release of a debt". It's actually a business term, that means if you owed me money, you're no longer accountable for the debt; you've been "forgiven". So when somebody does you wrong, even though you may still be experiencing the pain of what they did to you, you can still release them from the debt of owing you anything for what was done to you, even "owing" you an apology.


This is why Jesus made it a point to forgive those who crucified Him while He was still on the cross (Luke 23). In the midst of His pain, in the midst of His agony, He made it a point to forgive, in the midst of His processing the pain of the crucifixion. We have the charge saints to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4). As we do, let us make sure to learn the art of Processing the Pain.