Independence v.s Individuality

There's a misconception in the context of marriage that I believe is undermining a lot of marriages and sponsoring many break-ups and divorces. People don't understand the difference between Independence and Individuality. When you get married, if these terms are not clearly defined and proper boundaries set accordingly, you can mix up your marital roles and unintentionally sponsor the demise of your own marriage. We need to gain a better understanding of what these two things mean so that we can apply them properly to our respective marriage relationships.

For the record, when a person gets married, they lose their Independence. The Bible clearly states that a man should leave his mother and father, cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one (Genesis 2). The oneness of marriage precludes independence. Once you get married, you no longer have your "own life". You now literally belong to someone else (1Corinthians 7). If you get married and you're trying to have your own life "independent" of your spouse, then you're not ready to be married. This is a hard pill for some people to swallow. However, no matter how tight it is, it is biblically correct. We must understand that we are "yoked" to our spouse once we get married, and this is by Divine Design.

However, even though you lose your independence in marriage, you don't lose your individuality. You're still and independent person, you just no longer can operate independently. You still have your own mind, your own thoughts, your own opinions. This is your individuality. You don't have to lose your sense of self and your self-concept just because you said  "I do". This is where people miss it. Either they go to the extreme of wanting to keep their "own life", or they attempt to simply "lose themselves" in their spouse or in the marriage. Neither one of these perspectives are healthy.

Remember that the Christian's relationship to God is likened to marriage (Isaiah 54). The way God has created us, we were never designed to operate and function independently of God. Everything we do is supposed to be in concert with the Divine Will of God for our lives. However, God didn't make us to be robots. He gave us freedom of choice. Not free will, but Freedom of Choice (Romans 6). And with that freedom of choice, our individuality stays in tact. God did this because the mystery of our relationship with Him and in marriage is "the two becoming one". The individuality is what constitutes the two. The inter-dependence is what constitutes the one. Let's make sure that we ask God for wisdom so that we can properly discern and apply the difference between Independence v.s Individuality.